My Tragedy

It’s valentines day once again and I’m wearing black.

Umuwi ako ng maaga from work kahit may program sa office. Take note, may dating game sa amin now with matching free iced tea (Nestle yun ha). Hmmm…. I went straight to SM and spent my day alone. I ate one special asado siopao from Hen Lin and bought a BIG Menjie chocolate, I don’t need a man to buy me one. Kung mura lang sana ang bouquet of tulips and white roses (mga favorite kong flowers) siguro bumili din ako at ginaya ang mga babaeng rumarampa ngayon sa mall na may hawak na bulaklak. Bago ako pumasok dito sa internet cafe na ito, may nakasabay akong high school student na may dalang mga bulaklak, mukhang mamahalin yung dala niya… life can be so unfair…. (halata bang bitter? hehehe..)

May free packed merienda from KFC para sa mga matatagal nang empleyado ng PIA dahil provided yun ng Union of workers doon. Unfortunately, hindi ako member noon kaya wala ding silbi kung nag-stay ako dahil gugutumin lang ako sa kakatingin sa kanila. Pero masaya sanang makipagtawanan habang nahihilo yung searcher sa pamimili ng makaka-date nya. Kaso yung kasabay kong umuwi, inaantok na. (understandable naman dahil 5am ang pasok namin) ayoko namang maglakad papunta sa sakayan nang nag-iisa kaya sumabay na rin ako.. ano na kaya nangyayari sa program ngayon? 3:50pm na kaya malamang tapos na yun. May kasama ako sa unit na isa sa mga searchee, sana siya yung manalo..sana next year ako na yung searcher…

Sa lahat ng mga kaibigan kong malungkot din ang Feb 14, huwag kayong mag-alala… each of us has his/her own turn to rule the world.. tsaka we really don’t need anyone para maging masaya sa araw na to. Ako, masaya kahit nag-iisa. Kahit sandali lang kasi nakita ko yung taong nagpapaganda ng mundo ko (kahit di niya alam)… Sana bukas, makita ko ulit siya.. Sana sa susunod na taon alam na niya…

Happy V-DAY to everyone ! Remember to love until it hurts (ngek, corny!)

I have been walking in cloud nine for these past few weeks. My close friends wud surely know why. Today, I came to realize that because I have been drunk by my own happiness, I wasn’t able to mind my manners and I am not taking care of my dignity the way I should..

There’s this new christian friend of mine ( a guy at that) who told me a while ago that I’m not behaving the way I should lately. I want to thank him for saying that to my face or I wud have gone all the way down to my self destruction. Two years ago, I’ve lost an important friend whom I used to treasure a lot. It was a big mess and I think part of it was my fault too (but mostly it’s his This christian friend told me that he doesn’t want me hurt ,the way I was hurt when that "used to be" precious friend left my life. Then I came to realize that I don’t want that either so I’ll behave properly starting today.

Let me defend my self first, It has been a long time since I’ve felt this unbelievable bliss and I’m not used to it anymore that’s why I’ve been neglecting my conscience again. But the possibility of loosing the source of my happiness is already at bay.. so I’ll mind my self from now on.. I know i’m putting up my self for more dissapointments if I continue to let my self be carried away by this emotion.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME KEEP MY OASIS BY MY SIDE… even if I behave properly… there’s this stupid law that prevents me from doing that… yes, a law.. not necessarily passed by the Congress but this law is being observed and followed by a big group of pipol since (i dont really know when, pero matagal na) 1900’s ?

It’s weird that a single self-serving law like that prevents me from going for what wud make me really really hapi (which I HAVE NOT BEEN FOR quite a while) and of course, there’s this issue of our country applying double standard  in everything.

But in the end it all comes down to restraining my self and putting more importance to the use of my mind… i Know… i just want to say sorry if I’m stubborn as a mule sometimes..  I don’t seem to know what’s good for me and I give more importance to my being happy which is not good..

I’ll move away from my oasis… I’ll force my self to do what’s right and to do just that … sad as it may seem…